Trying To Find My Way Back

O God, thou art my God; early will I seek thee: my soul thirsteth for thee, my flesh longeth for thee in a dry and thirsty land, where no water is; (‭Psalms‬ ‭63‬:‭1‬ KJV)

Today marks my second day of fasting. I was so scared and hesitant because I had fear of failing. Then I thought about it and the only thing I can fail in is not trying. This day has started off already with a few confrontations but those are expected while fasting. It's day 2 and I'm sure my best and worst are yet to come.

You learn a lot about yourself while denying your flesh food. I never knew I had so many recipes stored in my mental Rolodex. From apple turnovers all the way to zucchini casserole were recited in my head. I also found out I could pray longer than 5 minutes.

I announced on FB about my fasting schedule sheesh why did I do that? I wasn't doing it for likes or even encouragement. Just maybe someone wanted to join or even start their own little fast. I received some encouragement and a few other comments. The best part about me saying anything about it openly is a good friend I consider a sister said she would indeed fast with me. We have been sharing bible verses and also just keeping each other postive on our journey.

I did research the pros and cons of fasting. A few things medically were discouraging but I know my body is healthy. At one point I even considered putting it off another week to prepare myself. Why put off what you can do today for tomorrow? I think that's how it go. Lol

My reasons for fasting started a few months or year or so ago. I noticed a pull for me to be a little more spiritual but I brushed it off. I wanted to make this change within me but I didn't know how. I started attending church more but I wasn't living to the standards I know I should have been living. I dedicated my life to Christ around the age of 16. I had this notion of doing it my way but fell very short of my hopes spiritually. This time when I rededicate my life I want to be into it wholeheartedly and not just because it sound good. I know a drastic change won't happen over night or even a week. Hey you never know it possibly could. I know I just want to live differently and be fed spiritually more.

My biggest fear was losing this one particular person I adore more than many and any. My changes may make us grow in different directions. Then I thought about it and prayed on it but felt the need to continue forward. Whatever is meant for me I shall have when the dust settles. At this point in my life I'm okay with that. Good things comes to those who wait. Well that's what I believe anyway.

#thinkingthroughmythumbs