Question.

Before you complete your profile on Blogger they ask you to leave a question. Now this question could be thought provoking, funny, sad or what ever you want to ask. For a few days I couldn't think of anything to come up with. Blogger generates a question for you until you come up with something clever. Lol. Then I had an argument with someone and the question popped in my head. Why is it so hard to find a love that wants to love me back? 

I know everyone reading this will say Nell I love you. Well not everyone but many. I'm not talking about family because I know my family love me. I'm not talking about friends (genuine friends) because I know the love they have for me as well. Yes I know God loves me I never need to question that because he let me breathe daily in the midst of my sins. 

The love I'm referring to is companionship. I'm talking about that love that make you sick when you haven't heard from them all day. A love that can only be found in that man whose scent invades your nostrils even when he isn't around. 

I've spent so much time fixing people up to their full potential to only have them get lost in what they have become. I don't ever regret it but I sure do hate wasting my time. It's like this if I love you and you love me then let's show each other the same caring actions. Breathe life into me far as support, comfort, motivation, financial stability, and being an overall good person to me. Be my rock when I feel the sand under my feet washing away. Place me on your shoulders when I can't reach that goal I so desperately want. 

Yea, yea, yea, I know no one is perfect. The thing is when do you start to get it right to where you don't say why is it so hard to find a love that wants to love me back? 

I finally answered this question while letting go of a lot of hurt and anger. Everyone wasn't raised the same as me. My family gave hugs, kisses and taught us how to express our feelings whether good or bad. We had cook outs every week during the summer. We show up to recitals, graduations, fights, marriages, funerals and with so much love! I can't expect everyone to have the same experience of good love as me. I no longer get mad at those that don't understand sex doesn't fix anything. I can only show them a better way and let them choose to stay or leave. Sometimes our journey is only to fix, repair and ship out. I'm being prepared for something so much greater than what I expect. 

#thinkingthroughmythumbs

Rant

I've wanted to write a blog for a very long time. I didn't believe I had anything to ramble on that people would want to read. So I would just say forget it and move on. Then I found myself venting on Twitter and FB about people, places and things. I would do a lot of thinking through my thumbs to relieve a little stress. Every month I would say Nell start your blog this weekend. Something would stop me and discourage me from writing. Finally I was in a positive place where I wanted to share my journey with whoever was willing to read.

I haven't even been writing entries for long and so far I've heard complaints. A few folks asked me was I going to include them in any writings. Huh? Come again. I thought this was my thing, my self help forum, my watch me live and love through my words. If I so happen to write about my experience with you then so be it!

I do plan on being unbiased as possible to any event or situation I feel I should speak on. If you were and are a good person to me you should have nothing to worry about. I haven't used names but my own so far. Even if I did choose to call you out on your best bs (bullshit) then hey that's life. My blog isn't intended for anything malicious.

People lets not forget it's MINE! I can speak on anything to soothe my nerves at the time! Hey I might want to write about how I followed a damn ant to his colony. A few people I excluded from having the link because I didn't want to censor who I am. Then a few people asked for the link knowing damn well they aren't going to read anything. They just wanted their foot in the door for saying oh yea I been down in case they neded something later down the line.

I would post the text I received concerning my blog. Only thing is I'm not about the screen shot life. I just want to create something dope for myself. If you read it and love it I know I did my job. If you read it and hate it I know I did my job.

#thinkingthroughmythumbs

Spaghetti

The fastest way to get rid of me is to offer me spaghetti. Yea, yea, yea I know I must not be from Earth. Well sometimes I do feel like an alien. Lol.  I hate the smell of spaghetti! I hate the taste of spaghetti! I also hate the look of spaghetti! Just the thought of it makes me squirm.

The first reason I hate spaghetti is because when I was younger we had it on a consistent basis. You can feed a family for a week on a big pot of that slop. You can also save a pretty penny on dinner because it's cheap to make. I'm not even a fan of leftovers because of that red and white concoction. You had no choice in what you ate for dinner back then. If you didn't eat what your mother or sister cooked your stomach had to munch on your ribs. So I had no choice but to eat the spaghetti.

The second reason I hate spaghetti is because of a family member. I was being nosey! See that's exactly why children should not sit around when adults are talking. My stomach turns just thinking about what I'm about to type. I'm not going to put that family member out there because I know they might read this. Lol.
Family Member A: You want to know how to keep your man forever?
Family Member B: Girl how?
Family Member A: All you need to do is put a couple drops of your blood in their spaghetti and feed it to him.
Family Member B: Blood?
Family Member A: Yes! The next time Mother Nature visit you just use some of that. That's how my mother kept her man all these years.

This myth has been going on for years! I've even heard friends tell me the same thing. Their grandmothers, aunties, sisters, great aunts and many women has been passing this information down since forever.

Hating spaghetti for me is mental and physical. I will lie to people and tell them I don't know how to make spaghetti when they ask me for it. Yes I know that's petty but I don't care. So please never offer me any. People always say well you haven't had spaghetti until you had mine. Well I guess I will never know. No I don't want to try it and if you want to keep my friendship never offer it to me. If I had to choose between eating spaghetti and moldy bread y'all should know I'm making a mold sandwich. No I don't want to hear about how lasagna is the same. Hell no it's not!! Big difference! Huge difference!!! Now y'all know why I hate spaghetti. Lol so when I post about my dislike for it you guys won't have to ask.

#thinkingthroughmythumbs